Categories

Blond Moments

Tales from real life

gyyp Hi, this is a bit embarrassing but I'll tell you anyhow. Last week I arranged to get a ride to the mall with my brother who was going to pick me up at 1130 sharp. He's really bossy but I had plenty of time or so I thought. I slept until nine, did a few chores in the buff and took a shower, then as I had time to spare I put on my favourite yoga tights and started working out.

Yoga is really gentle so I didn't break a sweat and I was really getting into it when my brother arrived. Like he just pulled into the driveway, honked and called me to hurry as I looked out. I protested that I needed to get dressed and he said that he couldn't wait. Well, I needed that ride so I pulled on a shirt and thankfully the shirttails covered me adequately front and back.

Usually when I go out I like to wear a bra and knickers and I must admit that I felt rather sexy as I walked through into the mall. But the fact I didn't look out of place as there were a few other women similarly dressed. So I met my friends and we never discussed our appearance at all but I felt that I was rather shiekly dressed compared to them.

A couple of hours and a few drinks later my friends left and I had a little while to wait for my brother to me up. So I went to the bathroom and the lights were out but there was no big deal because I could see enough. After doing my business there was some weird noise from one of the other stalls so quickly pulled up my tights and hurried outside because I had to walk almost a half mile from the mall to where I was meeting my brother.

I wasn't sure if it was the effects of a few drinks that had, but the people I passed on the street seemed unusually happy because they look to me with wide smiles and a few guys definitely had flirty eyes. I really knew that I had plenty of time, I'd doublechecked so I went into a music store and started listening to some sample tracks. Even in there people smiled and seemed unusually friendly but then I started getting into music and dancing a little and that's something people all the time. When the track I was listening to finished, a couple of guys clapped and cheered and I must've stood there looking stupid and then they were all comment that I had nice arse and nice pussy by which time a couple of guys were almost groping me and I realised she or that when I'd rearrange my tights after using the bathroom, my shirttails accidentally got tucked in and my tights were so sheer, so transparent I may as well've been naked.

I didn't know what the fuck I should do but I figured there was no point in panicking, but I strained myself up. I think I said "oh fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen". Like I had 10 people gathered around me and they all laughed and the couple said that it was a very sweet mistake and even though they were flirty touchy, I knew I was fine.

A few of the people some praise on the which fell really good and when someone asked what else I had on I opened my shirt and let them have a look. It was so funny and sexy and somehow sweet and before I left I gave my number to a few guys. After that my journey home was uneventful.

Manipulative wife

In a crowded elevator was furious with her husband who she was delighted to be pressed firmly against a gorgeous young blonde woman. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped the man and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, he was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

MEMO FROM I.T. DEPARTMENT:

Our staff has completed the 18 months of labour on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have researched all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.

We are proud to report that we have completed the Y-to-K date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:

JanuarK, FebruarK, March, April, MaK, June, JulK, August, September, October, November, December. As well as: SundaK, MondaK, TuesdaK, WednesdaK ThursdaK, FridaK, SaturdaK

I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.

By the way, what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?

We'll await your direction.

Text without context is pretext.

Blond Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blond mortician asked the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gsve the Blond mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing".

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful."

"How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the blond mortician presents her with the blank check

"There's no charge" she says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am,' the blond says, it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice..... So I just switched the heads."

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Leave a Reply