Q- What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Q- What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A- Locking the car door.
Q- What's the definition of eternity?
A- Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.
Q. Why did the blonde give up bowling for sex?
A. The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver,
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little envelope.
One US Blonde says to the other, "which is closer, Australia or the moon?"
Blonde two replies, "dah, you can see the moon but not Australia"
How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied?
Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetise them.
What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window?
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.
What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? They can't get the bottle in the typewriter.
What's the definition of eternity? Four blondes at a Four-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
An air pocket.
What to you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? This Goes In front.
A blonde went in to the hairdresser to get her haircut. She was wearing headphones. When the hairdresser asked her to remove them, she told them she couldn't. The hairdresser told her she would have to take them off in order to get a good haircut and she said, "I can't. The doctor said if I take them off I will die." So the hairdresser proceeded to cut her hair with the headphones on. In the process, she accidentally knocked them off and the lady fell over dead. They were startled and couldn't figure out why that would have happened. They picked up the headphones to listen and heard a voice saying, "Breathe in-breathe out, breathe in-breathe out."
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realise she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong.
Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see
what was on the other side.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate'.
Local school children in New York will have to give their free anti-drug pencils back to the Bureau For At-Risk Youth. Basically, the pencil shave the slogan "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on them, but when you sharpen the pencils down, this message obviously changes to "Cool To Do Drugs" and then, even more obviously "Do Drugs". A spokesperson for the Bureau claimed to be embarrassed that they hadn't noticed it sooner.
The Blonde & the Coke Machine
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning."
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" asked the doctor. "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, I just paid $6,000 for these. Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened. Then I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Do blondes have children?
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the birth of their first children.
The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, because I conceived while I was on my back".
The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, because I was on top during conception".
The blonde nodes her head and says, "Ummmm! In that case, I'm going to have a puppy!"
Three blondes living together want a snack. One blonde goes to the shop and comes back with a box of cheerios.. Omg shouts one blonde. She takes the box and digs a hole in the garden. She puts the cheerios in the hole and buries them. What are you doing one shouts.. I’m growing a doughnuts tree she replies!
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. And here I am.'
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!!!!