Categories

Humour

Nothing like a good laugh

Jokes, warm fuzzies, and humour to put a smile of your dial.

Walk softly on this earth Get where you want without creating waves Have a wealth of good friends by being a friend Wake every morning with optimism And sleep every night fulfilled.

Words and words speaking mind Eyes deaf, ears blind, See me Touch me Feel me.

Reality Check

In search of happiness

We call ourselves human beings yet we seem to spend most of our lives doing stuff and then wondering why we’re not happy. To a certain extent we are conned, someone has pulled the wool and we believe that worldly achievement will make us happy. Finding a perfect man to be your anchor or a perfect woman to ease your pains and have your children will make you happy.

All the worldly successes we have produce a temporary happiness and then it’s back to the treadmill to earn more, the social meeting place to hook up or just someone’s sorrows then wonder how the hell you ended up with a particular person next morning.

It

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Three Sisters

Book humour

Three Nuns just want to have fun! But when these former Catholic nuns have too much fun and get in trouble with the law, they become nuns on the run. Driving back to Washington D.C. where they work at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Parts, the three sisters are arrested in Tennessee.

After defeating the local deputy in strip poker, they escape from jail, and are pursued by the zealous Detective Schmuck Hole, who has personally offered a $10,000 reward for their capture on The 700 Club. Little do they know that when the three sisters visit the Washington Monument, their lives will change forever.

Set in 1979, The Three Sisters is a sacrilegious satire that skewers

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A Billion

The immensity of numbers

Published on: 31 Mar 2015 updated June 5th, 2018 1,000,000,000,000 = one billion in long scale is a million million. In short scale, a billion is only a thousand million and you can get an idea from the graphic…

The true story about a Billion Dollars but it could be a billion anything and while this story is about the USA, it can be any country and too true to be very funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, know they refer to the short scale and think about whether you want the politicians spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but

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Confucius did not say!

Humour

Confucian jokes with puns and risqué double-meanings have been fictitiously attributed to Confucius, the famous Chinese philosopher who lived around 500 BC. His name is used to lend credence to a branch of philosophy as the sayings of a wise man but people like to joke around and these are a few that play on words…

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhaustedd.

Man who

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The Cost of Progress

And how do we value life?

As a species we generally say that we believe all life is sacred and we respect our fellow human beings. But these two ideas are in relation to the one’s own survival and perhaps one’s community. Every year countless lives are lost in conflict organised by people who should know better. Every year countless lives are lost in construction and the production of our technologies. In some regions, farmers are so badly treated that they resort to suicide.

When we look at conflict, the argument may be over land or resources to create new technologies yet behind this is a small collective who believe that they have the right to send the youth of

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The Baptist Cowboy

Humour

A cowboy, who’d just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walked into a bar and ordered three mugs of Bud. He sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he’d finished them, he came back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approached and said to the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowboy replied, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the

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Living with Boobs

Advice from a big breasted girl

Probably the first thing about big boobs is that everyone notices and a whole lot of people stare. As a 10-year-old they were a curiosity and then a nuisance because they got in the way of sport and of course I had to start wearing bras which are an uncomfortable feature of life that have yet to be totally comfortable with.

I probably inherited my boobs because mums are pretty big although I never seemed to notice in part because she kind of hides herself away. But she went to considerable length to make sure I got good bras even though I hated them. So I guess I

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Housework

Humour

A Clean House Is a Sign of a Wasted Life

Some say a clean house defines a woman and even a relationship which is nonsense, yet it takes time that could be spent more productively hence the use of servants by the more affluent and now some robots.

Remember … a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it, yet dust, dirt and grime are breeding grounds for pathogens that can toughen us up or kill us – the choice is ours.

‘A house becomes a home when you can write ‘I love you’ on the furniture.’

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect – ‘in case someone came over’.

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Politically Correct sayings

Modern insanity

Drunk = Spacially Perplexed Insane People = Comprehensibility Selective Insane People = Selectively Perceptive Bisexual = Sexually Non-preferential Bald = Folically Challenged Bald = Comb-Free Girl = Pre-Woman Fat = Calorifically Enhanced Alternatively, Fat = Horizontally Challenged Alternatively, Fat = Gravitationally Challenged Short = Vertically Challenged Airhead = Reality Impaired Sarah Brightman = Alternatively Talented Dead = Metabolically Challenged Poor = Economically Deficient Poor = Economically Unprepared Slum = Economic Oppression Zone Hunter = Animal Assassin Old People = Gerentologically Advanced Homeless = Optionally Residential Hooker = Sexual-Care Provider Hooker = Sex Surrogate Housewife = Domestic Technician Handicapped = Differently Abled Deaf = Visually Oriented Blind = Photonically Non-receptive Drug Addict = Chemically Challenged Ugly = Attractively Impaired

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Prescribing Oral Sex

Jokes about oral sex and a guide on how to

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several weeks. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. Guessing that sexual arousal might stir her from her coma the Doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral

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