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Pilot dies

Humour

Pilot dies

A gentleman takes a pretty blond girl flying and while in the air, he has a heart attack and dies leaving her in danger.

Fearful, she works out how to use the radio and calls out a May Day.

Moments later she hears a voice over the radio say “This is Air Traffic Control, I have you loud and clear. Please explain your situation.”

She said that her pilot appeared to have had a heart attack and is dead, and she don’t know how to fly. “Help me! Please help me!”

ATC replied, “Keep calm, I will talk you through this and Get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind

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Nursing Jokes

Nursing humour

Three Nurses And a dead guy Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a Dead Man with a hard on.

The 1st Nurse says ‘I can’t let that go to waste’, & rides him.

The 2nd Nurse does the same.

The 3rd Nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.

Then the Man sits up & the Nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead.

The Man replied “I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fuckin great!!!”

We like to speak to the doctor in charge or the nurse who knows what’s going on?

Substituting nursing assistants for professional nurses in acute care hospitals in

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Community Service

Humour

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to

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Tax Audit

Humour

At the end of the tax year, the taxation office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the tax agent was checking the books, he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

“Good question ,” noted the CEO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious

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What an offer

Humour

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store in Rhyde.

I placed them on the front passenger seat of the ute and headed back home.

On the way I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which didn’t leave much to the imagination.

When she’d filled up and went to pay, she glanced into my ute and saw the beer, then she bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her breasts almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy

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New computer

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new computer and are asked to put in their windows password.

The husband thinks he’s smart and puts ‘Mypenis’ as the password and a dialog box pops up with the message:

“Error. Not long enough.”

And his wife falls on the ground laughing………

———–

I changed my computer password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it, the computer will remind me that my password is incorrect.

———-

On a cold winters day, a woman sent her husband a text message saying; “Windows frozen, what do I do?”

The husband replied: “Pour some warm water over them”.

Some time later husband received another text from his wife: “The computer

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Service

One day, a young man entered a general store, and asked the beautiful, mini-skirted young woman for a loaf of self-raising bread, which was located on the very top shelf.

The woman climbed up a ladder, reached for the bread, and provided the man with an excellent view of her firm cheeks.

It wasn’t long before dozens of young men were going into the store and asking for self-raising bread. After a while, she became tired and irritated.

She stood at the top of the ladder, and said to an elderly man stood amongst the throng, “Is yours self-raising too?”

The feeble old man croaked, “No, unfortunately, I need a little manual help!”

Service

The Power of Alcohol

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop! A torso pops out!

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St Peter & The Cowboy

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.

‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, ‘Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!’

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’

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Henry ford talking to god

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy, and your invention…the assembly line for the automobile…changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.”

Ford thinks about it, and says, “I want to hang out with God Himself.”

So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, “When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?”

God asks, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” says Ford, “You have some major design flaws in your invention: There’s too much front end protrusion, it chatters way too much at high

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