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Politically Correct sayings

Modern insanity

Drunk = Spacially Perplexed Insane People = Comprehensibility Selective Insane People = Selectively Perceptive Bisexual = Sexually Non-preferential Bald = Folically Challenged Bald = Comb-Free Girl = Pre-Woman Fat = Calorifically Enhanced Alternatively, Fat = Horizontally Challenged Alternatively, Fat = Gravitationally Challenged Short = Vertically Challenged Airhead = Reality Impaired Sarah Brightman = Alternatively Talented Dead = Metabolically Challenged Poor = Economically Deficient Poor = Economically Unprepared Slum = Economic Oppression Zone Hunter = Animal Assassin Old People = Gerentologically Advanced Homeless = Optionally Residential Hooker = Sexual-Care Provider Hooker = Sex Surrogate Housewife = Domestic Technician Handicapped = Differently Abled Deaf = Visually Oriented Blind = Photonically Non-receptive Drug Addict = Chemically Challenged Ugly = Attractively Impaired

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Another Hotel Scam

Criminals know no bounds

This is how it works to steal your credit card details:

You arrive at your hotel and check in at the front desk. Typically when checking in, you give the front desk your credit card (for any charges to your room) and they return the card to you.

You go to your room and settle in. All is good. The hotel receives a call and the caller asks for (as an example) room 620 – which happens to be your room.

The phone rings in your room. You answer and the person on the other end says the following: ‘This is the front desk. When checking in, we came across a problem with your charge card

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Desire Leads to Trouble

And a happy ending

Image courtesy BNI

Hi, you can call me Carol, a happily single 28-year-old lawyer. All the guys in the office think I’m a pretty good-looking not likely to agree that the flattery as nice. Its a fairly high stress job and its normal behaviour for the guys after a bad day or a particularly good day to go out and get laid after work though it’s not considered proper for women.

It would have been convenient to get off with some of my colleagues that we had a strict rule about office affairs just in case they got out of hand. My sex life on the whole is good enough but on

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Service

Humour

One day, a young man entered a general store, and asked the beautiful, mini-skirted young woman for a loaf of self-raising bread, which was located on the very top shelf.

The woman climbed up a ladder, reached for the bread, and provided the man with an excellent view of her firm cheeks.

It wasn’t long before dozens of young men were going into the store and asking for self-raising bread. After a while, she became tired and irritated.

She stood at the top of the ladder, and said to an elderly man stood amoungst the throng, “Is yours self-raising too?”

The feeble old man croaked, “No, unfortunately, I need a little manual help!”

St Peter & The Cowboy

Humour

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.

‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, ‘Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!’

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this

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Computing Girls

CD-ROM GIRLS Are always faster and faster.

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EMAIL GIRLS Of every ten things they says, eight are nonsense.

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HARD DISK GIRLS They remembers everything, FOREVER

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INTERNET GIRLS Are difficult to access

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MULTIMEDIA GIRLS They make look fantastic in makeup and nice dress, but horrible the next morning

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SCREENSAVER GIRLS They are good for nothing but generally good fun

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RAM GIRLS They forget about you, the moment you go from their sight

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WINDOW GIRLS They can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without them.

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VIRUS GIRLS Also known as wives; when u are not expecting them, they install themselves and use all your resources. If you try to uninstall them

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Buying Tampons

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many sales did you make today?”

The kid says, “One.”

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale

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BMW

Tiger Woods goes to Ireland in his BMW.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are dose?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger.

“Well, what on god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on

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3 Models

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces, “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing, assume the brace position immediately!”

Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask, “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin’ crash!”

Claudia responds, “I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces…which is why I am putting on my make-up.”

Cindy

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35 and Unmarried

As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?!”

The daughter replied, “Mum, I’m 35 years old, unmarried, and this is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. So please go away and leave me alone!”

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said,

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