Blond Humour


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He’s rather taken back, because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think your the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???”

She looks into his eyes and

Continue reading More Blond Moments

Lost Island

Three adventurers on a lost island get captured by a primitive tribe. After being kept in a cage for several days, they are brought to the center of the village where all the tribes people have gathered. They are told by the village elder that they are being judged and will have a hand in their fate.

They take the first adventurer out and give him the option of death or poonta. He asks what poonta is but they just point their spears at him and order him to choose. He says, “I don’t know what poonta is but I know what death is, so I choose poonta.”

At this point all the women start chanting “Poonta, poonta, poonta!” and

Continue reading Lost Island


Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Why is it that a man’s pee is yellow & his sperm white? A. So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Oh Joe

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You

Continue reading Men

1st Date

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jack-knife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay

Continue reading 1st Date


A guy stops to visit his friend who has a broken leg.

His friend says, “My feet are cold. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please.”

The guy goes upstairs,and there are his friend’s gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters.

“Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you.”

The first daughter says, “That’s not true.”

He says, “I’ll prove it.”

He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?”

His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”

Snake in The Grass

Two male buddies were taking a pee in the woods when out of nowhere, a poisonous snake bit one of the men in the penis! The man collapsed to the ground while

Continue reading Slippers

Toilet Trouble

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to The Otaki races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.


Continue reading Toilet Trouble


There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?”

Of course the Madam said no.

Continue reading Revenge

Anal Deodorant

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little amused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” the blonde protests.

“Do you have the container it came in?” asks the pharmacist.

“YES!” says the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who examines it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm

Continue reading Anal Deodorant

Aligator Antic

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, “Heres a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.”

The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes it’s mouth.

After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”


Continue reading Aligator Antic

A Boy Called Humpe

Once there was a 13 year old boy named humper. Humper was a spoilt brat and got every thing he wanted. Now today it is Humper’s parents anniversary. Humper’s parents got a baby sitter for him and left the house…

Humper and the baby sitter were sitting on the couch watching TV. Humper said, “Hey babysitter, kiss me on the lips.” The baby sitter says, “No, there’s no way I’m doing that!” Humper says, “If you don’t, I’ll spill juice on the rug and tell my parents you did it.”

The baby sitter says fine and kisses humper.

Humper then tells the babysitter to take her top off. The baby sitter says, “No way, I’m not doing that.” Humper says,

Continue reading A Boy Called Humpe