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In school

Teacher; “If I stand on my head, you will see my face will turn red because blood flows into my head. But that does not happen when I stand on my feet. Why?”

Student; “Because the feet aren’t empty.”

Bur seriously, yoga is good for you

Condoms

Cover your stump before you hump

Condoms; the surest way not to get pregnant or catch any STD

Jason and Eddie were talking as boys about the girl that Eddie was about to go out with. She was reputed enjoy sex and that he should take some condoms. Eddie decided that he should be safe and responsible so he went to the pharmacy to buy some condoms.

Despite his embarrassment at the idea, he plucked up the courage and went to the pharmacy. He was relieved that there were no other customers and he rather nervously asked the pretty young woman behind the counter for some.

She suspected he was a virgin trying to do the right thing, so

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Condoms

Humour

1. Cover your stump before you hump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.

5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.

7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While you’re undressing Venus, dress up that penis.

14.

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Pussy and bitch?

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, “Mom I’ve got a problem.” She says, “Tell me.”

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn’t understand.

She asks him what they are. He tells her “well, pussy and bitch.”

She says, “Oh that’s no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy.”

He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, “Dad the boys at school are using words I don’t know and I asked mom and I don’t think she told me the exact meaning.”

Dad says, “Son, I

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Nude Beach Vacation

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”

So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, “Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”

The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy

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Sweet Treat

It was a White Knight, and Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree were on a river cruise, they met on the Top Deck, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street; he was an Old Jamaican. They walked hand in hand down Milky Way and around the Family Block.

They stopped in at the Mars Bar, he had a Rum & Butter and she had a Wine Gum. She asked if he could pass her a Coaster, He said “Sure…Take 5 “. They Decided to leave as the music was too loud & neither of them liked M&M On the way out he bought her some Roses, She said they were her Favourites. They walked down to his sports car,

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Multi-syllable words

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’

Little Johnny waves his hand, ‘Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!’

Miss Rogers:’All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?’

Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’

Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.’

Little Johnny says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob”.

Which Body Part Expands…?

The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal.”

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary’s reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. “Yes, Lilly?” asked the teacher.

“Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye.”

“Very good. Thanks, Lilly,” said the male teacher.

He then

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School – through the years

Scenario 1:

Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.

1950s – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up being friends.

2014 – Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark & charge them with assault.

Both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Both children go to anger management programmes for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes.

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Scenario 2:

Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1950s – Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal.

He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2014 – Robbie is given sent to counsellors and eventually a psychaiatrist

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No Excuse

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write

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