Children Say

Perceptive Children - humour

Tomato sauce

A woman was trying hard to get the tomato sauce that had thickened out of the jar. During her struggle the phone ring so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it and she said "mommy can't come to the phone right now, she's hitting the bottle".

Ladies locker room

A young boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in a woman's locker room. When he was seen, some of the ladies almost panicked to cover themselves up. The boy watched in amazement and asked "what's the matter, have you never seen a little boy before?"

Police dog

A police dog handler at the end of his shift was unloading gear from his vehicle when the dog started barking as a young boy passing stopped and asked "is that a dog you've got back there?" The officer replied yes and the boy with a puzzled expression looked at him very seriously and asked "what did he do?"

Meals on wheels

While delivering for meals on wheels I used to take my four-year-old daughter. She was intrigued by the various appliances, canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day she stopped and stared at a pair of false teeth soaking a glass and she turned to me and said "the tooth fairy will never believe this".

Party time

A young girl was watching her parents dress for a party and when she saw her dad putting on his tuxedo she warned "daddy you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not my dear?" He replied.
She said "you know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

New to school

After completing her first week at school, the young girl said to her mother "I'm just wasting my time. I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk."

On the first day of school a first grader past the teacher I note from her mother. The note read "the opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of her parents."

Biblical proportions

A young boy opened a big family bible and was fascinated as the fingered through the old pages. Then an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages fell out and he exclaimed "Mum, look what I found."
"What have you found dear?" She asked.
He thought for a moment and said "I think it's Adam's underwear."


I was driving with my children one hot afternoon and ahead of us were some people in a convertible. When we pulled up beside them at the traffic lights the woman stood up and she was completely naked. From the back seat my five-year-old son exclaimed "gosh Mum, that lady isn't wearing a seatbelt."


While walking past the church I saw the minister's son and a couple of other kids conducting a solemn ceremony. I paused to watch, they'd found a dead bird and the son was appointed to conduct a funeral. They'd digged a small hole and wrapped a bird on a piece of cloth and similarly as his father sometimes said, he said "Glory be to the Father and to the son and into the hole he goes."

Dad "I just farted in my wallet."
Son "Now you have gas money"


2 comments to Children Say

  • Cartier

    While waiting in line to get her picture taken with Santa I was giving my 2-year-old daughter pieces of popcorn one at a time as a snack. I must have been a little slow with my delivery and she shouted “MORE COCKPORN DADDY” at the top of her lungs. It was awesome.

  • Jean

    I was in the supermarket a few weeks back when my four-year-old walked up to this pretty young woman wearing a pleated mini skirt. He squatted on the floor behind her, then he stood up, lifted up the back of her skirt and called in a very loud voice “look mummy, this lady is not wearing knickers.”
    I didn’t know how to react, but the young woman turned, smiled and told him that he was very observant.

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