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Family Violence and Child Abuse

A personal and social disorder


This is a problem arising out of our failure to be completely human. Some people say it's stress that causes some individuals to buckle and take out their frustration on family members.

Once upon a time there were societies and indeed civilisations that learned to cooperate with nature. They had the right number of children and produced sufficient food to meet the needs of individuals and communities. But in today's mad world we all exist in a high-pressure lifestyle where we try to squeeze the most from life but at the same time missing the point.

These are the main points of life

  • Be happy
  • Ensure the survival of our species
  • Understand and act in accordance with the laws of the universe.

In this modern world most people rely on external factors to find happiness. Our sources of happiness are wealth, success, families ironically, and a place in society. Unfortunately this search for happiness outside of ourselves is temporary, illusory and it often dispossesses other people.

The only way to be happy is to find a happiness that is independent of all external phenomena which is what the Buddha and so many yogis have taught over countless generations.

Some people are successful in business or some aspect of life, but they failed to succeed overall because they have totally unrealistic expectations. There are schools of thought which teach that success can be found in small steps, but to become successful in life one must also arrive at the point of happiness that is independent of external phenomena.

Civilisation has arrived with the idea of a monogamous marriage in order to perpetuate our species as well is building a stable societal structure. Unfortunately this process is largely regulated by irrational emotion rather than any sound commonsense.

The wise people of ancient India came up with the Gotra system whereby young men and women were genetically and socially matched so that they would be able to relate intellectually and emotionally, but more important they would raise healthy children. In today's world with almost anyone has sex with whoever they can and children are quite often a byproduct, the health of the children is often very poor.

The entire thrust of modern civilisation is about dominating and controlling nature. While we certainly have the power to do so, that power for the most part is abusive and we are actually destroying the nature that we rely on for our continued existence.

While we have ideals that we should really be living up to, the fact that we have strayed so far from these ideals is having dire consequences. Not only are we destroying our environment, we are losing touch with any reality to do with human nature. We are running on emotions fuelled by sugar and caffeine with very little intellectual input.

We have gone from a partnership with nature to destroying nature and if we continue the same way, in 50 years time we will need another two or three planets in order to maintain our present level of comfort.

Because we have failed in our attempt to become responsible human beings, a great many people are settled with an unpleasant sense of failure and disconnection from life. We have also become a very blaming society. It has become the popular reaction to anything not going quite right that it must always be someone else's fault. So therefore when things go wrong the people blame someone else instead of taking responsibility.

Unfortunately there are a great many people who while they blame governments and other people, their concerns fall on deaf ears, frustration and anger builds, and sometimes they snap. This is where family violence occurs.

There is a rather strange quote that has been circulating for many years "we always hurt the ones we love the most". This must be the most ridiculous quotation ever coined because how could you ever hurt someone you love? Unfortunately modern love is also the deception and love often means dependency.

One afternoon, Nancy was sitting in the park. It was a lovely day and she was enjoying the sunshine when Benjamin sat near her. Benjamin thought she was very pretty and felt some desire towards her so he set closer and tried to make a conversation. Nancy ignored him for a little while, but after time they fell into a pleasant conversation during which time Benjamin told her that she was very pretty and shortly after that he loved her. That word love has a special place in a woman's mind which affected her judgement as soon after they retreated into the bushes. Even as they were having sex and enjoying each other's company, Nancy was already dreaming of a lifetime together because that's what love was supposed to mean in her mind. Sometime later as they were straightening the clothes, Benjamin glanced at his watch and said that he had to leave. Nancy was perplexed and asked why, then he explained that he had to collect his wife from work.

Benjamin was happy, he felt that he had succeeded even though he'd deliberately misled the young woman. But she had already built a castle of dreams which then came crashing down and she went away unhappy. As a result of her unhappiness she was rather terse with some of her friends and downright horrid to her siblings.

A couple of weeks later, Benjamin sat beside another girl the park she was much prettier than Nancy with nice breasts that seemed to want to fall out of her skimpy top and the rest of her body was oh so very nice. She was also a little more streetwise than Nancy, but for awhile they had a pleasant conversation and when Benjamin made flattering comments she smiled and thanked him. But when he finally came out with the line "I love you" she simply laughed and said that that was not possible and besides, she was waiting for her boyfriend.

Benjamin was hugely disappointed, his success with Nancy had given him confidence and an unrealistic expectation. When he picked his wife up from work she was concerned that he was so grumpy and that evening he was quite harsh with their children.

While family violence gets a fair amount of attention in the media and politicians act as if they are struggling to find solutions, even though they make new laws, there is no real solution that can be imposed. It is a matter of every individual waking up to who they really are and becoming responsible for their own lives.

happyWhile this frustration life is often taken out on family members and especially children because they are the least able to fight back, it can get far worse. If we continue to study Benjamin, he is successful with a few more girls like Nancy but one day and after a run of failures with streetwise girls, he may beat his wife and children for no apparent reason other than that he is in a bad mood.

When there is such a run of unhappiness and especially when it is fuelled by an excess of alcohol and undermined by a poor diet and lifestyle, the breaking point of these individuals becomes more fragile.

As the world sees family violence and child abuse as a law and order issue, it is not. It is a social and medical problem resulting from the fact that our civilisation is so out of balance, so very very sick.


  1. The world needs to understand that this really is a social and medical problem that cannot be resolved through the courts.
  2. The perpetrators of family violence and child abuse need to be educated, but for that to happen we need a complete reform of the education system so that everyone comes to understand these points.
  3. Because environmental poisons and inadequate nutrition undermine the health of every individual, adequate nutrition needs to be made available. But because this problem has been endemic in our population for thousands of years, we also need social reforms whereby individuals can have their sexual needs met beyond the confines of their immediate family/social structure. Sexual gratification simply provides an outlet for what has become a societal obsession which has nothing to do with morality, is more to do with the way that capitalism markets itself and sexualises the world which is very unhealthy.
  4. As part of an overall education process, it is the adults who need to sit down, to refresh the actual history of the world and to practice disciplines such as yoga and meditation which would give them a degree of inner peace.
  5. As in the peace develops in any affected individual, they will begin to discover an internal happiness and they will have less need to try and impose their will on the world.

Until such time as these steps can be implemented, there is no regulation, no form of policing that will work. This has already been demonstrated as complete failure and the solution that most people find is fully man to be cast out of the home and the children raised in the majority of cases by their mothers.


1 comment to Family Violence and Child Abuse

  • A common pattern of domestic abuse is that the perpetrator alternates between violent, abusive behavior and apologetic behavior with apparently heartfelt promises to change. The abuser may be very pleasant most of the time. Therein lies the perpetual appeal of the abusing partner and why many people are unable to leave the abusive relationship.

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