golfTwo blonde lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.

One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag, looks at her, and says:

"I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."



An Italian, a Frenchman, and a Scotsman were playing golf on a coastal course when they spotted a stunning mermaid on the shore.

They all dropped their clubs and ran down for a closer look at the mermaid was incredibly gorgeous mermaid.

The Italian, burning with desire, asked the mermaid, "Have you ever been fondled?" "No, I haven't," whispered the mermaid. So the Italian walked over and hugged and warmly fondled her. The mermaid said, "Hmmmm, that's nice."

The Frenchman, not to be outdone, said, "Have you ever been kissed?"
"No, I haven't," answered the mermaid. So the Frenchman went over and kissed her long and slow. "Hmmmm," sighed the mermaid, "that's nice."

golfrFinally the Scotsman asked her, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No, I haven't," said the mermaid.

"Well, you have now," said the Scotsman, "'cause the tide's out!"


Why are golf and sex so similar? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.

At the far side of a course, a guy rolled his golf cart and an attractive young woman asked if he was okay. He said he was a bit shaken, so she invited him to her house beside the course to recover.
Once inside the young woman who wore very little became very seductive and began to undress him. And he said "I'd like to but I don't think my wife is going to like this."
She answered "She will never know."
He said "That's not the problem she's still under the cart."


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