Human Sexuality

A major confusion

Published on: 29 Dec 2015 updated August 20, 2018

s01There is about as much consensus in society about sexuality as there is about spirituality, and more sex happens in peoples minds than their genitals.

Confusion arises because those who assume moral leadership say one thing and do another.  Couple this with the ongoing deconstruction of our societies by social and economic forces.

Sigmund Freud described sexuality as the driver of our psychology and a motivator for all our behaviour which remains relevant today.

But the primary drive to have sex comes from a base biological desire to pass on our genes and perpetuate our species. The desire to breed is an instinctive and powerful force in our lives that cannot be 100% controlled by rules and regulations, as we also have sex for recreation and pleasure, a trait also shared by other species.

Almost everyone believes that sex is primarily for reproduction and many people think that any sex beyond this is a form of deviance. But if we look at the world of human sexuality, then there is no 'one fits all' definition.

What people consider as right or wrong in regard to sexual activity is different in every community. In some cultures sex before marriage is acceptable for both genders whereas in Western culture only boys are supposed to have sex before marriage.

When we look at sexual values there is a great deal of bigotry and many double standards as moral leaders espousing chastity and constraint have been exposed indulging in some very outlandish practices.  In the corridors of power, political and church leaders may be censured or even have to resign their posts for their illicit sexual activities, the common man without any political power ends up in jail.

Therefore in talking about sex and human sexuality we must consider the wider aspects of our humanity. One important aspect is that we are over populating this planet which could lead to our very extinction, yet there seems to be no natural biological decline in our desire for sex.

But our desire for sex is not about making babies, it's more about communication and becoming intimate with one's self and partner. The act of sex for many people represents a peak of experience that helps to validate their lives and for married couples,regular sexual expression helped to cement their marriage bonds.

"Sex is a natural thing – it is physical, it is there in the body. But sexuality is invented and created by you. It is psychological. This is sweeping the world today and in so many ways, it has become sick because if sex is in the body, it is fine – it will fall into its natural place where it belongs. But the moment it enters your mind, it becomes a perversion. It has no business with your mind." Sadhguru

A peak experience

Sex is like meditation which is why sex is so enjoyable; for that moment of orgasm, individuals become one in themselves and at one with their 'other'. But many are unconscious of the unity, they just feel good and somehow restored, then ego jumps in and life continues.  This momentary joy inflames desire, it felt so good and people want more making sex a driving force or motivation for repeated experience.

"Sex is one pole of unconscious oneness, and meditation is the other pole, of conscious oneness. Sex is the lowest point of oneness and meditation is the peak, the highest peak of oneness.

“I think sex is an act of … a kind of soul-commitment. If the sex is good, your injury will be healed, your imagination will be invigorated. It's a kind of passage to the upper area, to the better place. In that sense, women are mediums — harbingers of the coming world.” - Haruki Murakami

Abby Martin talks about Sex with Conner Habib.

Sex as recreation

Sex has always been a recreational activity primarily for men. This led to the epidemics of syphilis and other diseases in Europe where as the woman was supposed to stay home and mind the children.

For the active single and those unsatisfied with monogamy, the more you seek, the more conscious you become and sex becomes absolutely absurd. A moment will come…because if you practice this continuously you cannot remain unconscious.

Consciousness will penetrate into it. The thing will become mechanical, because then you cannot be identified with it. Then you cannot feel the bliss of sex, because the bliss was coming from the unconscious – you could become unconscious in a passionate thrill.

Having sex

There are many ways to have sex and its something we generally do in private although many like to share their lovemaking or watch others hence the thriving porn industry. Porn aside, we learn from watching others.

If you've seen the movie Good Luck Chuck, a romantic comedy film starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, you'll see that sex can be fun although the movie plot is ridiculous.

When sex becomes a production or performance it loses its value

"Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other." ~ zuhriamira


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Your consciousness was dropped for a single moment; you were in the abyss but unconscious. But the moment you go into it, the small becomes the moment. And the more you seek it, the more it is lost. And a moment comes when you are in sex and not unconscious. The abyss is lost, the bliss is lost. Then the act becomes stupid. Then the act becomes just a mechanical relief; then there is no spiritual background to it." Osho

A time to grow up

Sex has nothing to do with morality because morality is a human construct designed to help divide and control populations. Aside from the risk of disease and pregnancy, sex is a healthy and natural activity that contributes greatly to our humanity.

Since the advent of marriage, human sexuality has become increasingly restricted not so much from any higher power but simply from our own confusion.

To end this confusion it would be helpful if sex and the truth of history was taught in school. It is beginning to happen in some places and as more women are claiming their power in the female sense, sexual energy is finding its true place in society for a very small minority of our population.

Sex has little to do with procreation it is an activity that provides pleasure and a reminder of our humanity. It provides comfort and solace as much as it can also provide inspiration and open pathways to better understand our humanity.

Related: The Pied Piper of sin leading our innocent youth astray


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