One day while Six Year Old Marty was pestering his mother, so she said, 'Why don't you go across the street and watch the construction workers building the new home, maybe you will learn something.'
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home his mother asked him what he had learned.
Martin replied...'Well first; You put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cocksucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the motherfucker back up.'
Shocked, Marty's mother said, 'You just wait till your father gets home!'
When Marty's father got home the mother asked Marty to tell his father what he had learned that day.
Marty told him the whole story and his dad said, 'Marty, go outside and get me a switch.' to which Marty replied, 'Fuck you, that's the electrician's job'.
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers:
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"