Modest is Not Hottest

Ideas about growing up, conformity and fashion for girls

Eye candy

Eye candy

Growing up in our materialistic world is a challenge and many the many self esteem issues so many suffer from stem back to those moments of comparison with others, in particular the unrealistic magazine and makeup images of what you should look like.

The fashion industry promotes the body beautiful with shorter skirts, lower necklines, bigger busts, thinner legs, perfected eyebrows, and a pencil thin waistline. Girls are being constantly told exactly how to look and how to be hot, to be desired, and sexy mostly by males.

Our world is very elitist and this is mostly to do with basic survival needs, like more money and social power that one can have a more comfortable life and privilege even though that often entails privilege at other people's expense.

One must also remember that the world is dominated by men with severe psychiatric problems of which the worst is a desire for power and control over others. This translates into misogyny and a fear they can relieve by controlling the lives of women who they desire and lust after. But there are many women afflicted by this disease as well.

Some countries avoid these problems by having a national dress like the sari in India, but increasingly around the world national dress is giving way to modern fashion and the sexualisation of woman's bodies. There is nothing wrong with being naked in an ultimate sense, but it's not just fashionable so countries have made rules against that. Instead girls are supposed to wear little and look sexy.

In terms of social success, women who have average good looks and above have no real problem fitting in to the plastic society, they can wear the skimpiest clothes and appear as a fashion statement. While this can sometimes guarantee a place in society it's actually more important to have brains and to be able to hold a rational conversation rather than echo the Kardashians.

So in particular for girls growing up today, the world is screaming in their ears to look fashionable, sexy and adopt the masculine competitive attitude in part as beauty on the inside doesn't get you free drinks which often turns nice girls into unpleasant girls sometimes referred to as bitches.

Social equity


It's important to be comfortable in your own skin. So avoid getting arrested and spend time naked, this neutralises attitudes about bodies. The freedom of Barcelona

We'll grow up under the illusion that men and women are equal but this is far from true. In many countries this is really true in the courtroom although in Islamic countries the testimony of four women are equivalent to the testimony of one man - totally biased.

2000 years of morality have done little to alleviate the human condition as misogynistic ideas are well entrenched so while it was once taboo for girls to have premarital sex it's become fashionable to do so. There's absolutely nothing wrong with sex before, during or after marriage, it's a personal choice. But fashion and peer pressure coerced many young people into having sex before they feel ready.

Finding the balance

The patriarchal element within society likes girls to dress as eye candy and there is good reason for this besides base carnal nature. The human body is an attractive element within nature alongside flowers, trees and forests. So there is no reason to keep the body completely hidden as many Muslims do.

Personal dress codes and awareness of fashion are very personal and worth experimenting with. One of the biggest obstacles many girls have to overcome is the moral view that the human body is somehow shameful and the perverted view that breasts are somehow sexual objects.

The human body is one of the miracles of nature we could also say miracles of creation and is not for us to judge. One must remember that self judgement is the original sin because it separates us from others and through the extension of judgement, we are divided from each other which is why the world is in such conflict today.

When we think about fashion sense and look at women on the street, those with nice legs must often wear short skirts whereas whereas those who have a nice bust tend to wear lower tops and those who have a pretty face all dress and use make up to accentuate their best features.

The glamour images portrayed in the media are mostly artificial, high heels, liposuction or fat injections, breast enhancement, Botox, hair extensions and other modifications which can be extreme and damaging to one's health.

Because girls are traditionally programmed or groomed for marriage, the idea the girl is just going to finish school, work for a few years and then settle down and raise a family has passed. This one is born with a family fortune behind them, it takes at least two incomes to create a pleasant lifestyle stop so girls need to be brainy and that is more important than good looks and fashion sense.

If you have the brains and communication skills, it doesn't matter what you look like but if you only have good social skills, appearance may be a ticket to a better life. For girls growing up in the USA and the more Americanised countries, the fashion is all about sexualisation which is a whole other story you can read about here and remember, modesty is okay, it's about being self contained and responsible.


9 comments to Modest is Not Hottest

  • Samantha

    You people are so unbelievable because immodesty causes so much trouble. It has taken time but we have learned that society works best where modesty prevails

  • Nancy

    That’s interesting but I felt I had to add my two cents worth so here goes. First I want to say that I’m not an outrageous person and most of the time I conform to blend in which means dressing modestly so as not to rub people up the wrong way. But given the opportunity and an appropriate social situation I love body paint and I’ve been to many functions wearing nothing but a little skin colour and loved every moment of it. There’s also been a great many occasions when I’ve gone clubbing and partying and ended up completely naked on the dance floor and having sex with different guys yet somehow I don’t see anything immodest in this. Like I feel totally comfortable with my body and who I am so I don’t have to cover myself up in situations or am allowed my own personal freedom. But in terms of communication and spending time with other people I’m probably much more modest with my speech although perhaps a better word would be respectful. I’ve said too much, but you should get the point.

  • Kelly

    nice dressI grew up in a community where the woman did as they were told and the men espoused morality. While the men were allowed to strip down to shorts in summer, the woman had to remain covered up which seemed so unfair and very uncomfortable in the summer heat. So I grew up with the idea that bodies are sinful and shameful yet made by a God who loves us which never made any sense. Then I learned that while the men forced a set of values on us, they lived by another set of values that allowed them to discreetly enjoy the company of naked women and a completely different social setting after which they felt somehow guilty or conflicted and made the lives of women in our community even more uncomfortable.
    But what we wore didn’t seem to affect the behaviour of the boys who when we had discrete opportunities to Gus girls aside and tried to get us to relax our inhibitions and be more like the girls their fathers went to.
    I left that community and experimented with different types of dress. I was soon comfortable going topless on the beach and dressing how I felt. By doing this I learned that modesty had nothing to do with what I wore, it was more of a state of mind and when men were modest in their attitude, in other words if they didn’t act like zombies at the sight of a naked woman, it doesn’t matter what I wear.
    Aside from clothing, modesty is also a form of sexual repression or inhibition. As a young girl I wasn’t allowed until I was married that is, but all the men were expected to have some experience before they married makes good sense because inexperienced men are hopeless lovers. So this enforced sense of modesty also acts the form of sexual repression and keeps girls in ignorance of their bodies which leads to the spread of diseases and unwanted pregnancies.
    You are definitely right to say that modest is not hottest because modesty when it is enforced is against human nature.
    Five years out from the start my new life I learned what I like and don’t like. I like myself, I like my body and I look after it. I also like going to parties and having intimate relations with different people because it awakens something in me that puts me more in tune with life and myself.

  • Jean

    nudeHi, this is really all the nonsense on peoples minds because people can be covered from head to foot and still be immodest whereas some can be naked and be completely modest, it’s simply a question of attitude.

    When it comes to dress and appearance, that’s quite a right to look sexy and conform to the values of one’s social set. It shouldn’t matter if other people look at your body or even if your more private body parts are exposed. Some groups within society dress like this and thank God that our new and upcoming First Lady of the USA knows how to be modest in a real Christian way and yet she is open enough to have posed naked for Playboy and other publications.

    But I really think that modesty is a form of shyness and insecurity that really needs to be overcome, especially if anyone is going to become successful. To overcome this idea of modesty and shyness, take small steps to wear a little less clothing and clothing that makes you feel good rather than simply camouflaging you. It’s also nice to spend time naked with friends and learn to express yourself creatively so that life is fun.

  • Tracey Keeghan

    body paintThe whole idea of modesty is a form of social control and even repression. Back in the 70s I was brought up to be modest and while the adults around me dressed modestly when kids are about, as soon as the kids were out of sight they really behaved badly and I remember once when I was supposed to be asleep. The adults were having a party and I peeked. After a few drinks their clothes came off and couples disappeared for a short time and then they come back and paired off with someone else without even bothering to dress.

    That was something of a shock to me as a 12-year-old as I realised that we were being taught one thing while adults lived an alternate life. I challenged my parents about this many times and their only answer was that I would have to wait until I was grown up. But like most teenagers today I saw through there lies and bigotry and continually tested their boundaries, not so much to have sex, but just to whear a little less clothing in a very hot climate and live a more relaxed lifestyle.

    So I raised my kids differently, we spent quite a lot of time hanging out naked when they were young and we did our best to explain the differences in society or rather the different social rules different societal groups have. I’m pleased that my kids are comfortable naked amongst friends and some public occasions and it’s they were informed enough about life not to go down the path of binge drinking and indiscriminate sex.

    The human body is God’s creation and as such it deserves to be seen in its naked glory without any shame or derision, the real problem with society and those who demand modesty is they are disconnected from their humanity and perverted in their thinking.

  • Aubrey

    Hi, I was brought up believing that sex was wrong and I had to always behave and dress modestly. But as I started growing up and having sex, I quickly came to realise that the idea of modesty as a tool to keep us in control. As I struggled to appease my family and dress modestly, a part of my being wanted to be more outrageous so on occasion I would rebel and indulge in the most immodest behaviour and dress code imaginable.

    I quickly found that by relaxing all those values that my parents had tried to drum into me, life was much more fun and there was nothing morally or spiritually wrong with it. I found that displaying my body in a more provocative and sexy away drew attention that I quickly learned to handle and I could say yes or no to any proposition.

    I have since learned that there are occasions to be modest, especially when one is around family and manipulative people, that whether people are relaxed and friendly, the idea of modesty is a very unhelpful contrivance that just gets in the way of life.

  • Susan Parks

    Hi, There’s a lot of conflict around this issue as I shall relate. As a young teen I want to wear less and look sexy to get the attention of men and boys. That went a bit over the top as I was caught having sex and so badly chastised by my family I became extremely modest. I tried to be kind and fit in, but it didn’t really work and I was terribly unhappy. We was 15 I found a new confidence to defy my family and wear fewer clothes that seemed like a happy medium which got me through school.

    I surprised everyone by doing really well academically but somehow modest didn’t cut it. Even though I was successful in many ways I felt cut off from my body and revelled in those illicit occasions when I was able to enjoy what some people may refer to as free love. When I left home a year later I found a nice balance between looking sexy and using my brains. So, appearance is a personal matter and of found that sexiness does not interfere with intellectual pursuits, but where other people’s intellect is stagnant, being sexy always helps.

  • Lyn

    rightonHi, I tried being modest but I found it was so boring and when I stopped being modest I got free drinks and loads of interesting friends. Like my folks tried to teach that being modest equated to being nice, but I find that I can be totally immodest and downright sexy and still be nice so this whole modesty thing is a fallacy to try and control our sexuality. So I figured that my sexuality and what some people call of is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. So instead of being all prudish, moral and nice, I’d rather be outrageous, totally improper but still very nice. After all girls need to have fun and the world is becoming much less of a fun place given the state of politics today. When people have a problem with young women’s ‘revealing’ clothing in schools, breastfeeding, or a nipple being ‘exposed’ on TV, meanwhile.. Male athletes basically walk around naked, while misogynistic norms are enforced to demand women either cover up or don’t cover up too much. To be clear, people ought to be able to walk around naked if they want, problem is the double-standard, the use of shame as control.

  • Evonne

    I was bought up to be modest but it turned out that I grew up being ignorant and stupid. Through high school I adopted the narrowmindedness of my modest peers and suffered greatly for it and I was ever so bored with life and daunted by the fact that I had an entire lifetime ahead of me. In fact my life was so repressed that I considered suicide a few times but I was too much of a coward to do that.
    I’d been taught up to view women who expose their bodies as being brazen whore’s and worthy of contempt. But I observed that some of these girls my parents would call tarts seemed happy and indifferent to the scorn directed at them. But those of my social circle avoided them as though they had a plague and so I decided to get to know them and I did that by just being friendly.
    My parents were strict and my appearance subject to their stringent regulation, but after leaving school and starting work in a small office, I was given a little more freedom. My parents wanted me to get married but somehow they respected my wish to wait a few years and as soon as I got the opportunity, I moved out of home.
    By putting aside my learned prejudices and being nice I’d gotten to know quite a few of those girls my parents looked down on and with my own apartment I began experimenting with my dress code is much as I could without upsetting my parents too much.
    The people in my office appreciated my slightly shorter skirts, open neck blouses with just a hint of cleavage and leaving my hair out. The course was some people around the head to be wary of and I’d simply adjust my clothing to look a little more modest when I had to be in their company.
    So I enjoyed trying out some sexy underwear and after I’d written a few articles in Cleo, I even experimented not wearing any and to my amazement the world never noticed. Then came the biggest taboo, sex before marriage. So my girlfriends talked quite openly about sex which left me feeling out of place at times and by this time I was quite accustomed to guys asking me out. So I was almost 20 when I lost my virginity and then I couldn’t believe that I’d waited so long to do that.
    But to cut a long story short, I began a series of adventures. My social life was blossoming, I went skinny dipping, I maintain some discrete relationships and I even had sex with two different guys on the same day. But I know the body is not everything, in fact it’s just a vehicle and its nice to have fun with it. In effect a feel rather liberated and I know that when I have kids they’ll get a much different upbringing than what I had.
    Someone new motto is, be nice and include everyone is much as you can, but when it comes to personal modesty, as more of a mental attitude rather than how you dress.

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