Relationships and Fidelity

My husband is at work but his brother is hitting on me

bthvlDear Dianna, my name is Roxanne from California, USA. I've been married to Scott for two years and I'm just about to turn 23. To make ends meet he works really long hours but so far I've only been able to get some casual part-time work which is fine because we're doing okay.

But it's almost 2 months ago now that Scott's brother Brett came to stay with us after losing his job. His situation was desperate enough that is only choices were to stay with us or live on the streets. Initially Scott was indifferent to him but after a word from his mother, he finally invited Brett to come and stay and because he's family it seemed the only proper thing to do.

Now the thing is that after Brett came to stay he almost immediately started hitting on me. This was a real pain because it could seriously damage my marriage and with what I know of Scott, he'd probably kick my arse right out of there. I putting up with this for a full month before I told Scott that his brother was annoying.

Like I told him that Brett sometimes tried to watch when I was in the shower or getting changed and on numerous occasions he'd squeezed my arse and grabbed me in other ways. I'm definitely not into him even though he's usually rather pleasant when he's not trying it on. Anyhow, Scott told me I was just imagining things and that if his brother did try one on me to thump him.

I'm not sure if they talked about this between themselves, but the very next day Brett came on really strong. After talking to Scott I felt more confident and instead of putting on jeans and a rather restrictive top that had become my new habit to stop him molesting me, I was cleaning the kitchen wearing a more comfortable skirt and T-shirt.

Well, I was almost done cleaning and thinking to do some shopping when Brett came in. He was all over me like a rash and he had me almost naked before I beat him off and escaped. Then as I went to go to the shop he was sitting butt naked in the living room and jacking himself off. I ignored his demands and went out.

When I got back he apologised that I was too good-looking and he just couldn't help himself. Thankfully I had some work the following morning which got me out of the house. I know it sounds kinda sad, but I don't go out very much because it always costs money and I don't have any real girlfriends close by. So I came home after work to see him sitting in front of the computer naked, watching porn and jerking himself off.

When he saw me, he jumped up and grabbed me and with the dress I was wearing, my body was much more easy access but I managed to fight him off. After I got dressed I came out and told him that if he didn't behave he'd have to leave but I he didn't seem to take much notice although he got dressed and behaved for the rest of the day. Next morning he went out for a job interview and I was so relieved to have my house to myself.

In the evening Scott was home earlier than usual so I made him a nice dinner and afterwards we went to bed for some fun. But halfway through I saw Brett peeking through the gap in the door that he must've opened. I alerted Scott who told him to bugger off although I'm not sure if he did.

Next morning I was feeling pretty good and because Brett didn't usually wake up until after 8 a.m., I didn't bother dressing properly while I made breakfast for Scott. Then soon after he'd gone I was watching the news figuring I had plenty of time to make myself decent before Brett got up and tried to molest me again. Then for some reason he was up earlier than I expected and before I had time to react he had me stripped naked and was chasing me around the room.

To a long story short, he caught me and fucked me. I suppose I should also confess that once he caught me, I probably gave in far too easily because he's a rather pleasant kind of a guy, easy on the eye and well-equipped. So we spent the entire day fucking and I felt good although rather afraid Scott may find out. There was no way I could tell him, but I did say that I was sick and tired of dressing so conservatively to keep his brothers eyes off me and I was going back to my normal short skirts and tops. He said that he thought his brother didn't have it in him to misbehave with me and besides he loved me wearing sexy outfits.

Thankfully the next day I had a full day's work and Brett almost didn't touch me. But then we spent all the next day in bed together and now that we've started something, it's even harder to stop. So my real question is what am I gonna do?

Like I could lead on Scott to try and get Brett out of our house, I could break off with Scott although he'd probably kill me if he knew I was getting along with Brett. Help!

In reply

Hi Roxanne, your situation is more common than you might think and in some respects this could work out nicely for you if it were not for the risk of being found out by your husband.

In a more perfect world where everyone has the social freedom to indulge in physical pleasure combined with an improvement in disease control (STDs), having several lovers is great. Unfortunately in our modern world where the act of marriage is also a mostly unspoken contract to be sexually faithful and in more extreme cases to avoid having any close personal relationships, this is a recipe for suffering.

We humans can limit ourselves to one sexual partner, we can limit herself to one person with whom we speak intimately, but this causes suffering in so many ways. For women, we may not necessarily get the degree of physical intimacy we need to really flower and discover our potential. By not having intimate meaning nonsexual communication with other people that's expected in so many marriages, brains go dead and people end up with early onset dementia.

When we consider life from a holistic perspective, morality is an artificial construct that oils the wheels of a corrupt society and while we can survive with these moral restrictions, when may never become particularly happy or find a sense of life fulfilment.

From what you say of your situation, Brett could well end up getting a job soon and be gone, or you might find full-time work and both of these options would take you out of each other's proximity thereby solving the problem. If Scott is likely to physically damage you or divorce you, then you should clearly not tell him unless you want to invite those options.

So long as you are not confused about your marriage to Scott and you are not intimately connected as in developing a codependent relationship with Brett, then there is no harm in having a little extra pleasure in your life.


1 comment to Relationships and Fidelity

  • Pepe

    Fidelity has its own rewards, and they include more than just avoiding gossip. It is what you promised, and there is the pleasure of fulfilling your word. Furthermore, your feelings are focused, your energy is directed, and your issues have to be solved with the one person who holds the key to a harmonious and supportive relationship. It isn’t easy for people with a heavy duty sex drive or an ego that needs confirmation from others, but when it’s hard to do, it’s all the more satisfying to accomplish. Failing to do so has inevitable costs. Perhaps the worst cost is the dilution of the relationship- your intimacy is necessarily diminished and your energies are necessarily scattered.

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