Short jokes


Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drinking and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

Just received my water bill for $275. That's a lot. 'Save the Children' can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Seven wheelchair athletes were banned from the Paralympics. Turned out they tested positive for WD40.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche ....

Just a reminder to those, who when looting stores stole electrical goods, in last year's riots .... Your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

An elderly couple is attending a church service. About halfway through the sermon, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ... 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, ... 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid!'

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke? No.
Do you eat too much? No.
Do you go to bed late? No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

If you have sex with a prostitute while she’s sleeping...
Is it rape, or shoplifting?

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
An Apocaclipse.


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