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Soul Mates

Do you have a soul mate and how do you know who?

One Soul - An illusion by Ines Honfi

The idea of soul mates is something many people dream about in terms of love and relationships. The subject has become immensely popular, many books have been written and many believe their soul mate is out there searching as they are.

The soul mate is loosely defined as a significant other person with whom one can intellectually relate to and empathise with, someone who seems to know what you mean when you say something and can reply in a way that makes sense to you. It is also an element of biochemistry in that your bodies fit well together and the sex is genuinely satisfying.

When a relationship is effortless and enjoyable, family and friends may define this as a 'match made in heaven' giving their support and blessing. When two people fall deeply in love, they quite literally lose themselves in the relationship and they become bonded. It may even be said that an over-soul develops to embody the two individual souls. But this bonding can represent a conscious interdependence or codependence depending on the evolution (state of mind) of the individuals.

The early stage of being in love is euphoric and the minds of the lovers are infused with ideas of their beloved. But this infatuation only exists within the mind of the perceiver and is an illusion. The fact is that two people can never become one, they may reach a consensus and feel as though they are a single unit, but over time they often grow apart.

No two people can be one

We manufacture illusions and delusions within our minds because the very fabric of society, of civilisation is illusory and based on falsehoods. Modern civilisation is constructed on false beliefs, artificially created values and most people by the time they've completed school have been brainwashed and dumbed down.

Ignorance is not bliss, it is the ground for suffering and when two people who are attracted come together, there is a mix of attraction and fear. The sense of attraction gives rise to dreams and fantasies. The emergence of a potential mate causes many young people to plan a dream life in their minds and when their significant other shares those dreams, they may see themselves as soul mates.

Most people go to great lengths to try and ascertain their love is real and they have a genuine soul match with that significant other and when they believe they have found their soul mate, they are ecstatically happy. Family pressures and other social conditions may block relationships, but where they are supportive, there is the possibility of creating an enduring relationship through some form of marriage commitment and creating a life together.

The stages of emotional love

Falling in love is beautiful - crazy and sometimes even a little scary. But during the fall when trust is validated, all is beautiful. For some people this falling in love and connection lasts a lifetime which is almost every woman's dream although for the man, he is generally a little more pragmatic.

The idea that the woman is supposed to be a virgin is falling away and there is a new transparency emerging in human relationships and exposing the soul match as a fantasy. It really is an idea to help to incomplete people feel as though they are complete.

Because both individuals are incomplete and not properly established in their identity as human beings, they rely on their significant other to fulfil what is lacking within themselves creating a life of codependency develops with endless needs making life challenging. As these lives are so difficult to maintain,  many people who believed they'd found and connected to their soul mate end up unhappy or separation, a deeper unhappiness and depression.

Is there such a thing as true love?

What is Love?

You must understand that the body is the vehicle for this life and the mind is an operating system, the soul soul or spiritual self is something we may only experience in our deepest meditations. What we call as love is an action be it loving ourselves all loving someone else. To love oneself or to love someone else is essentially to do the right thing and to do what is pleasant and life-sustaining. But in reality love is not an action, love is a state of being.

When we are incomplete, educated only in the ways of survival and stupified by all the staff of modern life, our capacity to be loving as referred to above is very limited. The minds of individuals are governed by selfishness and consequently people become very needy and very demanding which makes life troublesome.

Love is a state of being where an individual becomes a very pleasant within themselves. By becoming love, by becoming very pleasant individuals become more independent and clear thinking. By making your own body and mind into the very pleasant condition we call love, that emerges a conscious recognition of our interdependent nature of existence.

With falling in love even though the experience is very sweet and romantic, its so often becomes codependent and unpleasant because both individuals are incomplete within themselves. But by transforming yourself into a loving human being, one is able to accept anyone into their life. Of course there remain certain parameters, when forming a relationship that significant other person would have predetermined qualities.

This is where the arranged marriages in India and other countries played a vital role (Gotra). There was a time when young people were educated in the true facts of life and discouraged from believing in baseless fantasies. They were taught how to become genuine human beings and given a role to play in society. Their parents would consult the wisdom keepers and marriages would be arranged.

In the arranged marriage were the individuals had a strong sense of self and sound knowledge of life who were also in the process of establishing themselves with their state of being as love, they had a common goal in developing their humanity as well as building a successful physical life with family and social responsibilities.

If you want to truly understand and be who you are, set aside the expectation of a soul mate and as Sadhguru says; "look to create a pleasantness within yourself that has the capacity to endure" fore there is no such thing as a soul mate other than every other human being is a soul mate as we are all from the same source.

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