Categories

Vaseline

Humour

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties the guy to a chair and then as he’s tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he

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Brian & Dave

Two guys, Brian and Dave, fancied a drink or two but didn’t have much money between them. They could only raise the staggering sum of two dollars.

Brian said “Hang on, I have an idea.” He went to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Dave said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Brian replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.” They went into the nearest bar where Brian immediately ordered two beers and two whiskies.

Dave said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Brian replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!”

They downed

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3 Wishes

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.

They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn’t often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females.

The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet.

One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish.

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Gay Love

Two gay men decide to have a baby.

They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.

Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.

‘Isn’t it wonderful?’ one gay says to the other.

‘All these unhappy babies …. and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!’

The nurse says, ‘Oh sure, he’s happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull

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Biker Story

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity. He asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a Kiss?”

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like

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Two spiders

A father watched his young daughter playing in the Garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his Little girl was.

Tears formed as he thought about her seeing the wonders Of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to see what work of God had captured her attention. She was looking at two spiders mating.

‘Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?’ she asked.

‘They’re mating,’ her father replied. “Making love”.

‘What do you call the spider on top?’ she asked.

A Daddy Longlegs,’ her father answered.

‘So, the other one is a Mummy Longlegs?’ the little girl asked.

His heart soared with joy at this cute

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Gay - Lesbian

Attraction to the opposite sex

No one can really explain why we are sometimes attracted to the same-sex. Some people think that being gay is a copout because opposite sex relationships are too difficult, but on the other hand, most people who consider themselves as being gay are actually only turned on or aroused by others of the same gender.

People in our recent history have judged and condemned gay people for being somehow different, that one of the most interesting words ‘gay’ is rather delightful and most gay people that I’ve ever met have been delightful individuals although often rather horny.

Thankfully to a larger extent gay people are generally excepted in most societies and instead of asking why

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Father Paul

Celibacy; a modern problem

Paul was intelligent and he did well at school. During his early teens he took an interest in sports, his athleticism was good and when it came time to choose, he chose basketball instead of football.

He was developing into a nice looking young man and like most boys his age, he developed a natural curiosity about girls and sex. Although not religious, his parents were typical Presbyterian, they worked hard and rationed their pleasure.

His elder sister was his best friend until she began dating. Although he didn’t like to admit it, he was jealous and the thought of her being touched by those boys she went out with revolted him. His younger sister was

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