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How to Save The World?

Read the World Change Proposal

Senior Moment

(This is supposidly a true account recorded by the Police in Florida.)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four Males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to screamed at the top of hcr lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key

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Dining Out

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed to meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress’s there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is also good.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the

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Brung Up Proper

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THOSE BORN IN THE 1940’s, 50’s, and 60’s

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos…

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread and dripping, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat

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Ageing Q&A

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found? A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband? A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse

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Nasty Little Uns

My tire was thumping and I thought it was flat and when I looked at the tire… I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be.

But don’t fret about it… She moved in with me.

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Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder…

“What the hell was I thinking?”

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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby?

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I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.

After having met you .. I’ve changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into

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Ladies – get your man on this course

For all the men out there.

A new two-year degree is being offered at “Life University” that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That’s right, in just six trimesters, you too can be a real man – as well as earn AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS – Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am MEN 112 Parenting: It

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A Town Without Women

In a Poor town in the middle of nowhere and no women, A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How can you live in this town without any women?”.

The bartender replies, “It’s not that bad, sir, when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. It never sounds appeasing at first, but after one try you’re hooked.”

So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he’s gonna go find the barrel.

At that, he walks up to the barrel and sticks it in the knothole.

After about 5 minutes he ventures back to the bar and tells the bartender,

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Who Will Do It?

There are four people:- o Everybody o Somebody o Anybody o Nobody

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did it what Anybody would have done.

The Chili Diner

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, “What’s the special of the day?”

“Chili,” she says, “but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl.” The man says he’ll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it.

As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chilli remained uneaten. “Are you going to eat your chili?” he asked.

“No, help yourself,” replied his neighbour. The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili.

When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom

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Some days

Humour

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

Next time you think you’re having a bad day, remember these . . .

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe, leaving her

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