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In school

Teacher; “If I stand on my head, you will see my face will turn red because blood flows into my head. But that does not happen when I stand on my feet. Why?”

Student; “Because the feet aren’t empty.”

Bur seriously, yoga is good for you

Condoms

Humour

1. Cover your stump before you hump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.

5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.

7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While you’re undressing Venus, dress up that penis.

14.

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Salada

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.

They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper “lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position.

Lettuce…

Lettuce…

Lettuce…

Tomato…

Lettuce!

Lettuce!!

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So Pretty

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.

On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a blow job?”

“Yuck!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”

He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”

“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What

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Student Reporter

A young man graduated from University of Arkansas with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper that hired him was to write a human-interest story.

Being from Arkansas, he went back to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer’s house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. The young man asked, “Has anything ever happened around here that made you happy?”

The farmer thought for a minute and said, “Yep! One time one of my neighbour’s sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. We all screwed it and took it back home.”

“I can’t print that!”

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Sweet Treat

It was a White Knight, and Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree were on a river cruise, they met on the Top Deck, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street; he was an Old Jamaican. They walked hand in hand down Milky Way and around the Family Block.

They stopped in at the Mars Bar, he had a Rum & Butter and she had a Wine Gum. She asked if he could pass her a Coaster, He said “Sure…Take 5 “. They Decided to leave as the music was too loud & neither of them liked M&M On the way out he bought her some Roses, She said they were her Favourites. They walked down to his sports car,

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Multi-syllable words

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’

Little Johnny waves his hand, ‘Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!’

Miss Rogers:’All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?’

Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’

Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.’

Little Johnny says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob”.

Which Body Part Expands…?

The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal.”

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary’s reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. “Yes, Lilly?” asked the teacher.

“Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye.”

“Very good. Thanks, Lilly,” said the male teacher.

He then

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Blond Humour

Humour

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He’s rather taken back, because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think your the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???”

She looks into his eyes and

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School – through the years

Scenario 1:

Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.

1950s – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up being friends.

2014 – Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark & charge them with assault.

Both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Both children go to anger management programmes for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes.

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Scenario 2:

Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1950s – Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal.

He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2014 – Robbie is given sent to counsellors and eventually a psychaiatrist

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