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The Prospect of Marriage

A human institution

The joy of marriage

Marriage is a universal human relationship and a social institution that serves the couple and/or society and yet it so often fails so we ask; Does love matter? Do you want to get married? Should you get married? Does your family want you to? Is marriage necessary? Will marriage make a better life?

Marriage is a commitment generally taken for life, yet it has a very high rate of failure and remarriage is a common practice.

For Marriage to work, there must be:

  • love - is key and the most important aspect. desire - if you don't' have desire for the other, why bother?
  • appreciation - if you cannot appreciate or admire the others qualities,  why bother? 
  • trust - if you cannot trust the other, you are in trouble 
  • surrender - everything of your past must be given up to the new relationship
  • a prenuptial agreement - simply because the legal systems in most countries damages people who divorce through the legal system

Things Guaranteed to Upset a Marriage

  • Need - if you are in need of being saved, or whatever, get sorted before entering marriage.
  • Prenuptial agreement - while this is an important element for a successful marriage, it also indicates the marriage is temporary and at some time doomed to failure. Really you are damned if you do and damned if you don't due to the over politicisation of society.  
  • Want - whatever it is, want will lead to control issues and a disastrous marriage
  • Infidelity - a sure way to strain a relationship even if you're not found out.

"If your relationship is about extracting something out of somebody, it does not matter how much you manage, there will be constant trouble. If your relationship was an offering to the person who is next to you right now, then everything would be fantastic." ~ Sadhguru

How do you know you want to get married?

Marriage in most countries is promoted as the societal ideal and is the life aspiration for many young people who think that to have a happy successful life, you must get married, be a good citizen and employee, pay your taxes, have 2.4 children, keep your patch clean, and try to get on with your "inlaws'

So how do you know?  Really marriage should be something that fits into the life plans for both you and your intended and that you both feel it in your hearts. Do know your own heart? Typically we learn by flirting, petting, dating, having sex, discovering what is fun and what feels nice, comfortable, and then asking, will my experience with this person satisfy me for a lifetime?

Should you get married?

No, there is no should, either do or don't. Should is when there is pressure, should is a political decision, should will make others happy before your happiness.

Does your family want you to?

It's none of their business really, although they generally have everyone's best interests at heart and your marriage the best solution they can see.

Is marriage necessary and will it make a better life?

This depends on one's education, life continues with or without marriage, the blessing of god, church or state is nice, but if the commitment to each other is real and strong, a relationship does not require marriage and life can be prosperous and successful without marriage. In business favour is often given to those of similar persuasion.

Why Do People Get Married?

There are many reasons and here is a partial list:

  • It is the parents wish or will
  • It is required by one's community
  • They Truly fall in love
  • They get pregnant/have a child and legalise the child through marriage
    • The shotgun wedding..
  • Survival - to people who like each other often marry for financial and security reasons
    • Two people sharing the rent and living costs survive better than one person alone
    • Good companionship makes for a happier life
  • Impulse - the Los Vegas marriage chapels cater to this market

Why Not To Get Married

Like for getting married, there are many good reasons not to including:

  • Knowledge of the truth of ones life path
  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Divorce and its consequences

An Enlightened View

Life is a journey from birth to death which for some is short and for others its long. As we journey through life, often our paths will cross and perhaps run together for a time. For a few people, the course of a lifetime can be together as good companions or marriage partners. But for the majority of individuals, marriage is a temporary affair. It may be months or years, but at some point life paths diverge and to be true to ones self, each partner must go their separate ways.

While marriage in some societies may sometimes create the foundation for a lasting and happy relationship, the unmarried state of co-existing is equally and sometimes even more successful and works well when either partner has permission to leave if they are unhappy or have the freedom to engage in other relationships.

Today more so than in the distant past, children make separation more difficult. In the past the separated parents would be just a few huts away and the children a part of an extended family group whereas today, the separated parent may be many miles away and the remaining parent and child live in virtual isolation.

Further reading
Fidelity

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