Blond Humour


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's maths teacher."



A hot looking blonde walks  up to one of the craps tables.  She looks at the two guys playing and says “I want to bet $25,000 dollars. It’s all the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I've found that this provides me the most luck at winning.”

The two men agreed and watched anxiously as the woman unbuttons her blouse, removes it, and then removes her bra.  She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice.  As the dice stop, she starts jumping up and down and screaming, “I WON I WON I WON!” She gathered her winnings, put the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walked out.

The two men at the table looked at each other, one asked the other, “So what did she roll?” The other man said, “I thought you where watching?”


Whistling Pussy

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.

To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.

The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too!?"


Wannabe a Hooker

ect001There was this blonde girl who'd decided to become a hooker and her first customer asked her how much she charged for pussy.

She said hang on let me go ask my sister. She runs up stairs and says Mary How much should I charge for pussy?

Mary said $100.00, so she runs down stairs and tells him. He says I only got $25.00 she said hang on let me go ask my sis.

She runs up stairs says Mary what can I do for $25.00.

Mary says just a hand job.

So she runs down stairs tells the man. He says ok he pulls out this rod that must have been 15 inches long she says hang on a minute I need to ask my sis something.

She runs up the stairs says "Mary have you got $75.00 you could loan this man?!!"

Another version:

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job", Harry reply.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis..

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"


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